It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
