I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
