He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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