we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
