Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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