1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
