just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
