nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
