great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize