I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
