I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
