Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
