Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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