I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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