hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
