im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
