is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
