Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize