She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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