I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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