It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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