I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize