I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
