so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just threw up on my dentist
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
