my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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