Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
