I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
