why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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