At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
