Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk is not a location!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
