i think my mom watched the whole time
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
