when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
