I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
