All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
