I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
