gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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