i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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