So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its not stalking. its research.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
