he shaved USA in his pubs
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
