My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
