i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
3 2 1 whiskey
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
