Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize