The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
