Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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