sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
