PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
