Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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