the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
