alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
