So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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