My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
