i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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