you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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