you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
