My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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