We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
