I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
