I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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