Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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