It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
