Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
