can u get pink eye on your cock?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
