I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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