Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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