Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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