And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
