Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize