You're my little dorito
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
