and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
