so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
