see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
