I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
