@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize