thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
