So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
