worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
