i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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